Tridib was kind enough to lend me this book on behalf of Oneek. It took me a while to get going (mainly because it is a journal and NOT A REGULAR NOVEL), but once i got into the flow, it was a real quick read.
I am not a Nirvana fan. Nirvana for me marked the point when mainstream music changed for the worst, the state it is in right now. Kurt Cobain is by no means a legend. There is no freakin way you can even begin to compare him to the likes of Elvis, John Lennon, Jim Morrison or Jimi Hendrix (musicians I hugely admire, all dying unfortunate deaths). So what if he shot himself and had and still has a huge fan-following. Punk rock and grunge has gone from bad to worse. Punk is not dead...I wish it were.
Back to the book. The first thing you notice is his shockingly bad handwriting. Ironically he had a great artists hand, the various cartoon images he has drawn support that. He possessed what-some-might-say screwed up but what-i-might-say creative mind. The journals show his many moods and they are all intriguing. They show his thought process as he made his music - the writing, editing, re-editing, notes on the side including the cancellations, all in Kur(d)t's own handwriting. And I really cannot help but quote him from the book. Heres some insight into his mind...
'If you read you'll judge' - says the cover of the book...which is also the cover of one of his journals.
'...we basically want to be on your label. Do you think you could PLEASE! send us a reply of Fuck off, or NOT interested so we dont have to waste more money sending more tapes? thanks. Nirvana'
'our hobbies and interests are different and a band cant be a unit unless all the members are compatible...you're a great drummer and hope you pursue another band very soon. We expect you to be totally pissed off and hate our guts and we dont blame you...and we feel really shitty that we dont have the guts to tell you in person...your talent shouldnt go to waste.' - letter to Dave Foster (Nirvana's 2nd drummer)
'to be positive at all times is to ignore all that is important, sacred or valuable. to be negative at all times is to be threatened by ridiculousness and instant discredibility. to translate opinions in an obvious search for proof of intelligence in the manner of abusive use of obscure descriptive words is a desperational will to sincere, yet retarded expression...i feel there is a universal sense of amongst our generation that everything has been said and done. True. but who cares...this is the first decade since the early 1940's that two generations share the same music' - Reversion Relapse...guess whos stoned...
'It turned out that pot didnt help me escape my troubles too well anymore and i was actually enjoying doing rebellious things like stealing this booze and busting store windows, getting in fist fights, etc...and nothing even mattered. I decided within the next month i'll not sit on my root and think about jumping, but i'll actually kill myself. And I wasnt going out of this world without knowing what it is like to get laid...' - enter kurt cobain.
'we want to cash in and suck butt of the big wigs in hopes that we too can get high and fuck...soon we will need chick repellant spray...'
'Music is ENERGY. A mood, atmosphere. FEELING. The Melvins have and will always be the king pins of EMOTION. Im not talking about fucking stupid human compassion, this is one of the only realistic reminders that everyday we live amongst VIOLENCE.'
'I like following the lives of entertainers careers, i like punk rock, i like girls with wierd eyes, i like drugs, i like passion, i like things tht r well built, i like innocence... i like killing gluttony, i like playing my cards wrong, i like to write poetry,...i like vinyl... i like to b with my friends, i like to be with myself, i like to feel guilty about being a white american male, i love to sleep... i like to taunt small barking dogs in parked cars... i like to make incisions into the belly of infants and then fuck the incisions until the child dies... i like to have strong opinions with nothing to back them up with besides my primal sincerity...I like sincerity, i lack sincerity, these are not opinions, these are not words of wisdom, this is a disclaimer, a disclaimer for my lack of education, for my loss of inspiration, for my unnerving quest for affectionand my perfunctory shamefulness towards many who are of my relative age. Its not even a poem. its a big pile of shit like me.' - theres 3 pgs worth of this introspect.
'i can only fuck and sing...i have lost my mind many times, and my wallet many times more.
in the simplest terms : 1)Dont rape. 2)Dont be prejudice. 3)Dont be sexist. 4) Love your children. 5)Love your neighbour. 6)Love yourself. dont let your opinions obstruct the aforementioned list.' - words of wisdom from kurt
'thanks for the tragedy i need it for my art. punk rock is art...art is sacred. punk rock is freedom, expression and right to express is vital - anyone CAN be artistic.' - i dunno abt punk rock but yes anyone can be artistic.
'i am male. age 23 and im lactating. my breasts have never been so sore... i havnt masturbated in months because ive lost my imagination...i close my eyes and i see my father, little girls, german shephards and tv news commentators, but no volutous, pouty lipped, naked- female sex kittens, wincing in ecstasy ffrom the illusory positions ive conjured up in my mind. No when i close my eyes i see lizards and flipper babies, the ones who were born deformed because their mothers took bad birth control pills. Im seriously afraid to touch myself' - thats why you DONOT DO DRUGS.
just to let you know all of the above is in the first half of the book...and theres crazy loads more.
final word : its a must read for everyone...no matter if you're a nirvana fan or not.